Free Ms. Rachel
You are them.
Last year I hosted a Bat Mitzvah where I was told the Guest of Honors pronouns are they/them. This made it a B’nai Mitzvah, which is a coming of age celebration for MULTIPLE people. My initial reaction was “you’ve got to be kidding me.” It’s common for humans in the corporate world to add pronouns to their signatures, but now the pronoun culture was creeping into the events industry. 10-days before the party [after I accepted my new reality] I began practicing for it. I mainly tried referring to people by their names and I removed pronouns from my vernacular altogether, or at least I thought. When the Guest of Honor was up in the chair for the traditional Jewish formality called the hora, I took a deep breath and said “put your hands together…for…them.” I felt silly. This isn’t how I was taught to speak.
Throughout the evening “she/her” slipped out of my mouth a few times. I FAILED. The head of catering approached me during the party to let me know about my failure, but I cut them off [the head of catering also went by they/them]. I aggressively said “I SPEAK for a living. BECAUSE I speak for a living I have a decent grasp of the English language. For you to expect me to completely throw out what I’ve known for 30+ years for 5-hours is utterly ridiculous. Now I have a party to run. Toodles!” I really said toodles. I was frustrated because I was seriously trying, but unlike a Tom Cruise movie this mission was actually impossible.
11 months later…
Rachel Accurso aka Ms. Rachel who blew up on social media for singing to toddlers gets heavy backlash from parents for keeping up with the times. Due to the backlash she’s not singing to toddlers for the time being. Here is a human whose main purpose in life is to help mankind and this is what is happening to her. It really makes you not want to help. What did she do exactly? Ms. Rachel had the AUDACITY to be inclusive and bring 1 of those peculiar pronoun people on her show. Excuse me waiter, heavy on the sarcasm please. Yes I’ll be taking it to go!
Remember when you would over hear your parents say unkind/racist/homophobic remarks? Then you’d have to warn your friends about them before they came over your house. That’s who you are now….you are them. If there’s 1 thing I learned last year from completing over 1500 miles of cardio is that when you stop, the world keeps moving. I enjoy inserting humble brags in my diatribes.
I’m old enough to be confused as to why Lil Uzi Vert is popular, but I’m smart enough to understand that DJ’s need to play his music at my events. Get with the times or get lost in the generational gap.
Years ago I got to be a fly on the wall as the Jamaican elders in my family discussed the trans community. It was hilariously inappropriate, but they were TRYING to understand. Jamaicans are the same people whose culture was rocked for centuries due to “buck breaking.” Buck breaking was when slave masters emasculated black men by tying them down in front of their community or family & raped them over and over till they submitted. Hence why homophobia or the intolerance of homosexuals is strong in Jamaica today. For my Jamaican elders to ACCEPT homosexuality enough to bypass it in an attempt to UNDERSTAND the trans community was HUGE.
At my sons elementary school I overheard 2 of his friends casually having a conversation about changing their genders. “I don’t know if I want to be a girl, I like being a boy” said child 1. “James might transform soon” replied child 2. I felt like an old white man in 1850’s Mississippi hearing a negro read a book for the first time. “What in tarnation are you doing BOY?” Unless you’re homeschooling little Tommy, you’d be a fool to blindfold your children to new customs or lifestyles. Not only are they going to find out about them, they’re going to be accepting of them. If not, they’ll either be outcasted by their peers or develop a bubble of intolerant friends that EVENTUALLY get outcasted by their peers. Or maybe nothing will happen at all. It’s really a roll of the dice.
I hosted a Bar Mitzvah years ago at Yankee Stadium where a group of boys were having a rap battle during cocktail hour. They were horribly terrible. No wait, terribly horrible. They were bad. It was entertaining, but there’s only so much my Rap-City-in-the-Basement ears can take. The battle ended when 1 of the boys called another boy…a “faggot.” They all froze. Then 1 kid said “you can’t say that bro.” After expressing their displeasure of the word, they spread out faster than Michael Jackson’s nose in the 70’s. I couldn’t believe how mature these 12-year old boys were being, but it made sense. They’re groomed in todays culture.
The pronoun party that I hosted was still a success although I failed to not use she/her. THEY really enjoyed THEMSELVES and since it was THEM’S party I took that as a win [composing that sentence hurt my 2nd grade memory]. People say I’m good at what I do. Book me and see for yourself. You’re not as good as people say you are but you’re not as bad either. I try to keep growing in my craft. I’ll be overly prepared for my next pronoun-focused client. The worse part of the night was the event planner stealing everyone’s tips. You expect me to believe this is the THIRD client in a row that “forgot” to bring the tips and that you’ll “Venmo” us later? It’s been 11-months…still waiting on that Venmo.
Full disclosure: I find the pronoun culture strange from both a language and social perspective. For many people English isn’t their first language, so to change the rules of the game while the ball is in the air is inconsiderate. But I also understand that mocking or ignoring what’s happening is also inconsiderate. Change is uncomfortable, but your rigid thinking will inevitably cause you to break. Before you know it your children, grandchildren, nieces & nephews will have to warn their friends about YOU before they step into YOUR house. You’re slowly becoming the unpleasant adjectives you used to describe your parents as years ago.
You ARE them.
#FreeMsRachel
#MsRachel
#HeyKevvv
